75 Best Michael Scott Quotes from The Office

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Michael Scott is the main character of the NBC sitcom The Office. Michael Scott is known for his stupidity, unintentional attacks and, above all, his big heart. Below are some of the most famous Michael Scott Quotes.

If you are looking for Michael Scott Quotes, then browse through our collection of Michael Scott Quotes that we have collected from many sources on the internet.

Best Michael Scott Quotes

Best Michael Scott Quotes
  1. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised. – Michael Scott
  2. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott
  3. “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah, of course. A bunch of ’em. My employees. – Michael Scott
  4. “They say on your deathbed you never wish you spent more time at the office — but I will.” – Michael Scott
  5. “Abraham Lincoln once said that, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’ And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.” – Michael Scott
  6. “They say that your wedding day goes by in such a flash that you’re lucky if you even get a piece of your own cake. I say that’s crazy. I say let them eat cake. Margaret Thatcher said that about marriage. Smart broad.” – Michael Scott
  7. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” – Michael Scott
  8. “About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.” – Michael Scott
  9. “Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square… named for the good times you have when you’re in it.” – Michael Scott
  10. “You will not die! Stanley! Stanley! Barack is President! You are black, Stanley!” – Michael Scott
  11. “I want today to be a beautiful memory that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it, then it’ll suck.” – Michael Scott
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  12. “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and have worms.” – Michael Scott

Michael Scott Quotes About Love

Michael Scott Quotes About Love
  1. “Well, it’s love at first sight. Actually, it was… no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.” – Michael Scott
  2. “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott
  3. “I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott
  4. “Presents are the best way to show how much you care. It’s a tangible thing you can point at and say, ‘Hey man, I love you. This many dollars worth.’” – Michael Scott
  5. “There is no greater feeling than when two people who are perfect for each other overcome all obstacles and find true love.” – Michael Scott
  6. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott
  7. “I love my employees even though I hit one of you with my car.” – Michael Scott
  8. “Yes, it is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username. And I have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.” – Michael Scott
  9. “Two weeks ago, I was in the worst relationship of my life. She treated me poorly, we didn’t connect, I was miserable. Now, I am in the best relationship of my life, with the same woman. Love is a mystery.” – Michael Scott

Funny Michael Scott Quotes

Funny Michael Scott Quotes
  1. “The most sacred thing I do is care and provide for my workers, my family. I give them money. I give them food. Not directly, but through the money.” – Michael Scott
  2. “I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say ‘no’ to being my friend.” – Michael Scott
  3. “Two queens at casino night. I am gonna drop a deuce on everybody.” – Michael Scott
  4. “I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.” – Michael Scott
  5. “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott
  6. “Now, you may look around and see two groups here. White-collar, blue-collar. But I don’t see it that way. And you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.” – Michael Scott
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  7. “And I’m optimistic because every day I get a little more desperate.” – Michael Scott
  8. “I am Beyonce, always.” – Michael Scott
  9. “It’s not like booze ever killed anyone.” – Michael Scott
  10. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” – Michael Scott
  11. “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s called a joke.” – Michael Scott
  12. “Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Michael Scott
  13. “I say dance, they say ‘How high?’” – Michael Scott
  14. “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.” – Michael Scott
  15. “Dwight, you ignorant slut.” – Michael Scott
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  16. “I want you to rub butter on my foot… Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” – Michael Scott
  17. “There were these huge bins of clothes and everybody was rifling through them like crazy. And I grabbed one and it fit! So, I don’t think that this is totally just a woman’s suit. At the very least it’s bisexual.” – Michael Scott
  18. “Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable.” – Michael Scott
  19. “When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! OK?” – Michael Scott
  20. “I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus, lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the lake. And I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot, which hurt. That got infected. Even though I peed on it.” – Michael Scott
  21. “Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your mama’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.” – Michael Scott
  22. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott
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  23. “Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s not really a part of his family.” – Michael Scott
  24. “Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did.” – Michael Scott
  25. “Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn’t moving, you might think she was dead.” – Michael Scott

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office

Michael Scott Quotes from The Office
  1. “Number eight. Learn how to take off a woman’s bra: You just twist your hand until something breaks. – Michael Scott
  2. “I don’t come up with this stuff, I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest the guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.” – Michael Scott
  3. “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.” – Michael Scott
  4. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” – Michael Scott
  5. “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” – Michael Scott
  6. “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero?… I really can’t say, but yes!” – Michael Scott
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  7. “No, I’m not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don’t tell them.” – Michael Scott
  8. “An office is not for dying. An office is a place for living life to the fullest, to the max, to… an office is a place where dreams come true.” – Michael Scott
  9. “I would not miss it for the world. But if something else came up, I would definitely not go.” – Michael Scott

Famous Michael Scott Quotes from The Office

Famous Michael Scott Quotes from The Office
  1. “This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she’s cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.” – Michael Scott
  2. “Like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint. And I’m going to go get me a New York slice.” – Michael Scott
  3. “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.” – Michael Scott
  4. “I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.” – Michael Scott
  5. “Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don’t you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.” – Michael Scott
  6. “It takes you thirty seconds to brush your teeth? Wow, that’s ten times as long as it takes me.” – Michael Scott
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  7. “I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be OK.” – Michael Scott
  8. “People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.” – Michael Scott
  9. “Hi, I’m Date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning?” – Michael Scott
  10. “I’ve got to make sure that YouTube comes down to tape this.” – Michael Scott
  11. “Granted, maybe this was not the best idea, but at least we care enough about our employees that we are willing to fight for them.” – Michael Scott
  12. “Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don’t know if you guys know about it, but, basically, you make someone think the opposite of what you believe. And that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.” – Michael Scott
  13. “I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish… sort of a virtual United Nations.” – Michael Scott
  14. “If you don’t like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus, or the front of the bus, or drive the bus.” – Michael Scott
  15. “If you break that girl’s heart, I will kill you. That’s just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl’s heart, I will literally kill you and your entire family.” – Michael Scott
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  16. “My mind is going a mile an hour.” – Michael Scott
  17. “It’s a pimple, Phyllis. Avril Lavigne gets them all the time, and she rocks harder than anyone alive.” – Michael Scott
  18. “Is there something besides ‘Mexican’ you prefer to be called? Something less offensive?” – Michael Scott
  19. “It just seems awfully mean. But sometimes, the ends justify the mean.” – Michael Scott
  20. “No, Rose, they are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs… Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs, do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what quality of life do we have there?” – Michael Scott

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