50 Best John Mulaney Quotes About Life, Life And Friends

John Edmund Mulaney is a comedian, actor, writer, He is best known for his work as a writer on Saturday Night Live and as a stand-up comedian.

If you are looking for John Mulaney Quotes, Funny John Mulaney Quotes, John Mulaney Wife Quotes, then browse through our collection of John Mulaney Quotes, Funny John Mulaney Quotes, John Mulaney Wife Quotes that we have collected from many sources on the internet.

Best John Mulaney Quotes

  1. “For those of you who don’t know what it is, blackout drinking is when your brain goes to sleep, but your body gets all ‘Eye of the Tiger’ and soldiers on.” – John Mulaney
  2. “When I’m walking down the street, I don’t think anybody goes, ‘Hey look at that man.’ They’re just like, ‘Woah, that tall child looks terrible.’” – John Mulaney
  3. “I was bullied when I was in school for being Asian-American. The biggest problem with that is that I’m not Asian-American.” – John Mulaney
  4. “You all have a relative who is an expert even though they really don’t know what they’re talking about.” – John Mulaney
  5. “There are a lot of great jokes you can sit down and write, but that’s just a written joke, versus the comedy of the situation. Ideally, you’re pulling as much comedy out of the situation as you can.” – John Mulaney
  6. “I really set out to do this traditional looking and traditional sounding multi-cam sitcom, but then make the world as elastic as an animated show could be. Make the world as surreal as we wanted it to be.” – John Mulaney
  7. “I’m a very straightforward person, but that’s fine for a comedian. Because a lot of times, you’re talking about everyone else.” – John Mulaney
  8. “I remember writing stand-up jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn’t matter. Everything I thought would work, didn’t work. And everything I was iffy on, was funny.” – John Mulaney
  9. “You know comedy once you’re doing it.” – John Mulaney
  10. “I wish I could go tell the 12-year-old me, like, ‘Don’t worry that you just fainted in front of all the girls, one day you’ll be able to make this into an episode of TV.’” – John Mulaney
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  11. “I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the king of stress that I am under.” – John Mulaney
  12. “I don’t look like someone who used to do anything. I look like I was just sitting in a room with a chair eating saltines for 28 years and then walked right out here.” – John Mulaney
  13. “I was once on the telephone with Blockbuster Video, which is a very old-fashioned sentence.” – John Mulaney
  14. “Now I get to say, ‘My wife,’ which is very exciting. It has a lot of power to it. It’s fun to say, ‘My wife.’” – John Mulaney
  15. “It was so beautiful today that I only watched four hours of Law & Order in my apartment.” – John Mulaney
  16. “If you are a school student, your opinion does not matter.” – John Mulaney
  17. “You should be able to say, ‘I don’t know.’ That should be an acceptable answer on a test.” – John Mulaney
  18. “All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don’t understand it.” – John Mulaney
  19. “By 2029, I’ll be drinking moon juice with President Johnathan Taylor Thomas.” – John Mulaney
  20. “You can do good work by simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.” – John Mulaney
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  21. “I’m a very lucky person. I’m an idiot, and I’ve shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don’t feel like I deserve good treatment.” – John Mulaney
  22. “I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.” – John Mulaney
  23. “Going on the road for long stretches can seem daunting, and I certainly miss being home sometimes, but the chance to see so many different cities, let alone perform in them, is something I am really grateful for.” – John Mulaney

Short John Mulaney Quotes

  1. “The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.” – John Mulaney
  2. “You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.” – John Mulaney
  3. “I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster.” – John Mulaney
  4. “Just because you’re accurate doesn’t mean you’re interesting.” – John Mulaney
  5. “People having expectations may mean they’ve enjoyed what I’ve done.” – John Mulaney
  6. “Being president looks like the worst job in the world.” – John Mulaney
  7. “Maybe I just have high self-esteem, but I have a lot that I really enjoy.” – John Mulaney
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  8. “I definitely look like a toddler. I feel comfortable and I have a lot of fun out there. And if I were to be extremely egotistical, I’d say I got a tiny bit better.” – John Mulaney
  9. “In every case, I find pre-planning noble, but not always that useful in comedy.” – John Mulaney
  10. “Understudies don’t normally get invited to openings.” – John Mulaney
  11. “Sometimes, people would say, ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ But that just meant, ‘Stop.’” – John Mulaney
  12. “It’s like there’s a horse loose in a hospital.” – John Mulaney
  13. “And now there’s new Nazis! I don’t care for these new Nazis and you may quote me on that.” – John Mulaney
  14. “13-year olds are the meanest people in the world.” – John Mulaney
  15. “The world is run by computers. The world is run by robots and we spend most of our day telling them we’re not a robot just so we can log on and look at our own stuff.” – John Mulaney

Inspirational John Mulaney Quotes

  1. “I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of too. I’ve always enjoyed it. There’s just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.” – John Mulaney
  2. “Irish people don’t want comfort. Look at a sweater made in Ireland. It’s like a turtleneck made out of Brillo pads.” – John Mulaney
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  3. “According to the Girl Scouts’ website you cannot buy Girl Scout cookies online. Do you know what you can buy online? Everything.” – John Mulaney
  4. “I always thought that quicksand was gonna be a much bigger problem than it turned out to be. You watch cartoons and quicksand is like the third biggest thing you have to worry about, behind the actual sticks of dynamite and giant anvils falling on you from the sky.” – John Mulaney
  5. “Here’s how easy it was to get away with bank robbery back in the ’30s—as long as you weren’t still there when the police arrived, you had a 99% chance of getting away with it.” – John Mulaney
  6. “Things don’t exist until they exist.” – John Mulaney
  7. “You have your law practice; and me, I have all these fu**ing markers.” – John Mulaney
  8. “I’ll book a ticket on some garbage airline. I don’t wanna name an actual airline so let’s make one up, let’s just call it like Delta Airlines.” – John Mulaney
  9. “I look back on being 17 and think, ‘Oh my God, how did I not die?’” – John Mulaney
  10. “I just watched a ton of comedy and saw a ton of different styles, and eventually you think, ‘Oh, yeah, I could be like that.’” – John Mulaney
  11. “I kind of thought, ‘Wouldn’t it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of the mainstream?’” – John Mulaney
  12. “Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that’s awesome.” – John Mulaney

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