50+ Funny Golf Quotes to Make You Laugh at Every Swing

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Golf is an outdoor game played by individuals or teams that compete to get the ball into the holes on the course with the fewest possible strokes.

Playing golf with friends can be a lot of fun, sharing some funny golf quotes can start a conversation with your golf buddies, especially if you’re new to the club. If you’re looking for funny golf quotes, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve rounded up over 50 funny golf quotes for you and here’s a list.

Best Funny Golf Quotes

  1. “Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.” – Unknown
  2. “I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.” – Harry Toscano
  3. “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” – Tiger Woods
  4. “We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.” – Bruce Lansky
  5. “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon
  6. “Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.” – Jim Bishop
  7. “Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.” – Jimmy Demaret
  8. “Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds.” – Henry Cotton
  9. “I made the last putt. It just didn’t go in.” – Tom Kite
  10. “Golf has probably kept more people sane than psychiatrists have.” – Harvey Penick.
  11. “The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one – particularly if he plays golf, which he usually does.” – Bertrand Russell.
  12. “Relax? How can anybody relax and play golf? You have to grip the club, don’t you?” – Ben Hogan.

Funny Golf Quotes For Instagram

  1. “The Old Testament is responsible for more atheism, agnosticism, disbelief – call it what you will – than any book ever written; it has emptied more churches than all the counter attractions of cinema, motor bicycle and golf course.” – Milne, ‘Year In, Year Out’.
  2. “Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” – Jack Benny.
  3. “If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.” – Sam Snead.
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  4. “If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.” – Joey Lauren Adams, ‘Strictly For Laughs’.
  5. “The only way of really finding out a man’s true character is to play golf with him. In no other walk of life does the cloven hoof so quickly display itself.” – Wodehouse.
  6. “There is no such thing as natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls.” – Lee Trevino.
  7. “I’ve seen lifelong friends drift apart over golf just because one could play better, but the other counted better.” – Stephen Leacock, ‘Leacock On Life’.
  8. “A major golf tournament is 40,000 sadists watching 144 masochists.” – Thomas Boswell.
  9. ““If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” – Bob Hope.
  10. “I am past writing angst songs for kids. My angst is when I can’t get my Porsche roof up and when I can’t get my golf handicap down.” – Alice Cooper.
  11. “Golf is like solitaire. When you cheat, you cheat only yourself.” – Tony Lema, ‘Champagne Golf’.
  12. “Ours is a youth culture, and like a golf tournament, we honor only low scores.” – Bill Cosby.

Short Funny Golf Quotes

  1. “I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.” – Chesterton.
  2. “If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a one iron. Not even God can hit a one iron.” – Lee Trevino
  3. “To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.” – Wodehouse
  4. “It’s considered good sportsmanship not to pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” – Mark Twain
  5. “It’s a funny old game. One day you’re a statue, the next you’re a pigeon.” – Peter Alliss
  6. “The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.” – Ben Hogan
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  7. “Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.” – Jack Benny
  8. “Golf is a game in which you yell “Fore”, shoot six, and write down five.” – Paul Harvey
  9. “Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.” – John Updike
  10. “I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.” – Chesterton
  11. “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.” – Bob Hope

Famous Funny Golf Quotes

  1. “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie.” – Mickey Mantle
  2. “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: it’s called an eraser.” – Arnold Palmer.
  3. “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie.” – Mickey Mantle.
  4. “You don’t know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket.” – Lee Trevino.
  5. “The most important shot in golf is the next one.” – Ben Hogan.
  6. “They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken.” – Raymond Flyod.
  7. “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” – Gerald Ford.

Funny Golf Quotes About Life

  1. “As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round.” – Ben Hogan.
  2. “But in the end it’s still a game of golf, and if at the end of the day you can’t shake hands with your opponents and still be friends, then you’ve missed the point.” – Payne Stewart.
  3. “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin.
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  4. “Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that.” – Jim Murray.
  5. “Golf is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.” – Wodehouse.
  6. “The game of golf would lose a great deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green.” – Ernest Hemingway.
  7. “Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.” – Dave Berry, ‘Stay Fit And Healthy Until You’re Dead’.
  8. “A great deal of unnecessarily bad golf is played in this world.” – Harry Vardon, ‘Progressive Golf’.
  9. “I’ll always remember the day I broke ninety. I had a few beers in the clubhouse and was so excited I forgot to play the back nine.” – Bruce Lansky
  10. “I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they’d come up sliced.” – Lee Trevino
  11. “The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.” – Phyllis Diller

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