40 Funny Bad Santa Quotes That Can Make You Laugh

Bad Santa is a film directed by Terry Zwigoff, Bad Santa depicts Santa who has lewd behavior. Bad Santa is not a good Christmas movie to watch with your family and keep this movie away from your kids.

If you are looking for Bad Santa Quotes, then browse through our collection of Bad Santa Quotes that we have collected from many sources on the internet.

Best Bad Santa Quotes

  1. “I hope that you got my present and that there wasn’t too much blood on it.” – Willie
  2. “Well, you smell like a bum’s nut sack.” – Willie
  3. “You said that yesterday, you stupid f*ck.” – Marcus
  4. “You are by far the dumbest, most pathetic piece of maggot eatin’ shit that has every slid from a human being’s hairy ass.” – Marcus
  5. “You know what I see when I look at you? America’s got a sad future ahead of it.” – Gin
  6. “Mind your own goddamn business.” – Willie
  7. “In case you didn’t notice, I’m a motherf*cking dwarf. So unless you got a forklift handy, maybe you should lend a hand, hmm?” – Marcus
  8. “I weigh 92 pounds, you d*ck!” – Marcus
  9. “If I call you next December, IF I call you next December, you’re gonna be so happy to hear from me, you’re gonna do a goddamn back flip. You’re gonna put that Santa hat on so fast that you’re gonna get f*cking hat-burn.” – Marcus
  10. “It won’t happen again. I can promise you that. Willie here has low blood sugar. That’s all.” – Marcus
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  11. “Yeah? Where? You see us [midgets] hanging off of f*cking trees like f*cking crab apples?” – Marcus

Funny Bad Santa Quotes

  1. “Sketch it up, you f*cking moron. F*cking Leonardo da Vinci.” – Marcus
  2. “Jesus Christ! Can you maybe at least keep it together for just 10 minutes?” – Marcus
  3. “You need many years of therapy. Many, many, many, f*ckin’ years of therapy.” – Marcus
  4. “Jesus, Mother Mary, and Joseph. You pissed yourself!” – Marcus
  5. “I could stick you up my ass, small fry.” – Gin
  6. “I’m not your f*ckin’ da da” – Willie
  7. “I wouldn’t be diggin’ in your ass!” – Marcus
  8. “I’m an eating, drinking, shitting, f*cking Santy Claus.” – Willie
  9. “ASSCLOWN!” – Hindustani Troublemaker
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  10. “You’re as queer as a ten-dollar bill.” – Hindustani Troublemaker
  11. “More booze, more bullshit, more butt-f*cking.” – Marcus
  12. “Are you off your f*cking meds or something?” – Willie
  13. “Well they all can’t be winners.” – Willie
  14. “The world ain’t fair. You’ve gotta take what you need when you can get it. You’ve gotta learn to stand up for yourself.” – Willie

Bad Santa Movie Quotes

  1. “Before you do something stupid you might want to think about this shit.” – Willie
  2. “Don’t take no shit from nobody, least of all, yourself.” – Willie
  3. “Well they say he can get into anything. Anything. They say he’s been in Margaret Thatcher’s p*ssy.” – Willie
  4. “I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something. I don’t know. Like I accomplished something.” – Willie
  5. “I’ve been to prison once, I’ve been married – twice. I was once drafted by Lyndon Johnson and had to live in shit-ass Mexico for 2 1/2 years for no reason. I’ve had my eye socket punched in, a kidney taken out and I got a bone-chip in my ankle that’s never gonna heal. I’ve seen some pretty shitty situations in my life, but nothing has ever sucked more ass than this!” – Willie
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  6. “Why don’t you wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.” – Willie
  7. “I said, “Next,” goddamn it! This is not the DMV!” – Willie

Famous Bad Santa Quotes

  1. “Marcus, get this kid off me before he pisses on me, all right?” – Willie
  2. “I’m on my f*cking lunch break, ok!” – Willie
  3. “No, I’m an accountant. I wear this f*cking thing as a fashion statement, alright?” – Willie
  4. “OW! Watch the toenails, kid. Shit!” – Willie
  5. “Wanna see some magic? OK, let’s watch you disappear.” – Willie
  6. “I don’t want any f*cking sandwiches. What is it with you and fixin’ f*cking sandwiches?” – Willie
  7. “Whatcha my mom now? You shat me out of your womb?” – Willie
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  8. “I’ve always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn’t notice. It’s like some deep-seeded childhood thing.” – Sue

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